rm (rm) wrote,

[Glee fic] Different For You, Kurt/Blaine, PG

Title: Different For You
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG
Summary: Kurt and Blaine process Sue's attempts to get Kurt to perform as Porcelina.
Warnings: Contains a moment of (internalized) misogyny from Blaine.
Notes: I posted this on Tumblr last week, and just wanted to get it up here for non-Tumblr readers and personal organizational purposes. I’m not entirely sure what this is. I don’t know if it’s trans!Blaine or genderqueer!Blaine or questioning!Blaine or what, but I'm not sure Blaine knows either.

“Would you, if it was you, I mean?” Kurt asks quietly later that night.

They’re in his bedroom, with the door wide open, ostensibly studying. Kurt’s at his desk, with his back to Blaine who’s sprawled out on the bed. He knows he should look at him while he asks, that’s the point of asking, but he can’t; the question means too many things and may be about too much shame.

“Would I what?” Blaine responds.

Kurt knows he knows what Kurt’s asking. Can hear it in the tone and the silence around him, as he studiously doesn’t look up from the text book he’s not even reading.

“A dress. If they asked you.”

“Maybe,” he says, too casual, not even missing a beat.

Kurt hums. “You’re always such a team player,” he says, and it comes out much crueler than he intends.

“That’s not why,” Blaine says, a little sullen, a little sharp, and full of mumbles.

“No. I suppose not,” and god, Kurt hates all the ways his voice can get tight and haughty.

“Kurt —”

“It doesn’t cost you as much,” he says, which is yet another version of not what he means.

“Why? Because I don’t look like you? Or because it’s not as far to fall?”

Kurt spins around in his chair, and Blaine is definitely looking at him now, startled and challenging, like a doe if it had the courage to start a war.

“Because I would kill to look like you. To be that tall, to have any chance at looking like anything other than what I am? Jesus.” The last word hisses out, as he runs a hand through his hair.

“You want me to be grateful that people think I’m a girl?” Kurt says flatly. “While you’re being weird and jealous and… weird, Blaine?”

“I want you to be grateful that you can shift. Be other things if you want to. I’d be ugly in that dress. Like Puck. It would be a joke. It’d be different for you.”

“Blaine, it’s always a joke.”

Blaine shakes his head and bites his lip, and picks at his cuticles as he mumbles that stupid thing from that stupid scene that Cooper had done when he was here. “This is serious, a man in a dress is dead.”

Kurt tilts his head. Oh. “Do you wish they’d asked you?”

Blaine shakes his head, looks back to his text book. “No. It just feels like they should, like they’re stupid that they don’t.”

“Alpha gay,” Kurt teases, and this time it’s not unkind.

“I’m not though. It’s not… god… Kurt, come on, you know that’s not me, right?”

“I know,” Kurt pouts, sweet and a little coy. “I do keep waiting for you to tell me who you are, though.”

“You know.”

“Sure,” Kurt says, spinning back towards his desk. “But it’s always nice to hear things,” he says lightly, and even means it.

Blaine looks back down at his text book, terrified and sad and oddly a little bit reassured. Because Kurt knows, and Kurt doesn’t care, and yet Blaine still wishes he’d make a bigger deal out of it.

“Unique,” he says then on a deep breath, and neither of them bother to clarify if he means the adjective or the name, the situation or himself.

Kurt hums again, opens his diary and starts writing something down. Blaine stares at his back and wonders how it is this boy always manages to make him real.
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